An apology

12 May

Alongside considering a new way of blogging, I have tried desperately not to write posts that are ‘me me me.’

I haven’t wanted to start sentences with ‘I’ or talk about the book. I haven’t wanted to mention the end of uni, or even any other irrelevant facts about my life. I wanted to get cracking with blogging seriously. Well, serious as in writing good content, that would appeal to many.

I have often mentioned new ideas I have, and thought about schedules I could make to give structure. I have endless ideas for posts, and have even begun scrawling rough notes on the back of envelopes so as not to forget.

When I sit down to write, the words do not form. I have, once again, writers block. This fascinates me, I have a vast subject area that I can cover, but it feels the words just can’t be bothered. Or is that just me? If your heart isn’t in it, it will show in your words. I believe it is showing now.

So this post is an apology. I am sorry I am blogging less and less. I am sorry the posts seem self-centred. I am…just sorry.

I know for a fact that the reason I talk about my book a lot is through excitement. Unfortunately, and I don’t know if this is the same for you, but I don’t have many people I can share this excitement with. It’s not that those close don’t care, it’s just that they don’t get it. One example is when I produced the cover for my book, I showed it to someone who I hoped would be pleased, but they stared at the screen and said ‘Oh. Is that what your books about? I won’t be reading it.’

Charmed.

I will admit to feeling slightly isolated within the ‘real’ world. Through my creative writing course I do know some fantastic writers, but they do not plan on trying to make a career from it. Many want to be teachers. Good for them. But I can’t help feeling it is a waste of talent. Those outside the course can be supportive, but they think a publishing deal is as easy as ordering for pizza. If only…

Anyway, I shall probably be back on track within a couple of weeks, once the brain has recovered. Hopefully it will be before then. I tend to find I admit to being a bit rubbish and I snap out of it – I should say, I do really want to write posts, I just feel a bit urgh at the thought of anything except sleep.

Oh, on a side note, I have read some fabulous posts recently that I have been compelled to comment on. Not only have I commented, it has been like writing an essay the amount of effort I have put in. So lets raise our glasses to fellow bloggers, because even when you ‘cba’ they have written something that gets your brain whirring. Thankyou!

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12 Responses to “An apology”

  1. Jessica May 13, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    Aww, Ellie… I don’t want you to feel like that. 😦 You shouldn’t feel as though you need to apologize. You are taking your readers on a journey with you–one we all want to travel, but you are actually living! Of course there are going to be ups and downs, and your “selfish” posts explore every one of them. It’s your experiences that cause us to enter your website address and sit mesmorized.

    Keep your chin up and be proud of yourself. We’ll gobble up whatever you choose to share with us. You’re a beginning author–that makes your situation unique and addictive just in itself. I ALWAYS look forward to seeing a new post up by you, and the little bits of waiting that ensue in between make me all the more excited when I see a new post title. 🙂

    Keep sharing your journey.

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm #

      I actually feel bad about the post now. – I didnt mean it to sound quite as it has come across. I have definitely got caught up in trying to do it ‘right’ but not succeeding. I failed to realise however that I was doing it right, for those that mattered!

      I mentioned a little way back about stats etc, that was my downfall. I started thinking too much, and studied too much!

      Thank you to all of you for your support! You guys are great!

  2. Laney May 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    No apologies here. You just do what you need to do, what feels right and be true to yourself.

    I get that isolation all the time too. It’s a part of this craft and sometimes an unfortunate part–but, it also get’s us in the right frame of mind to knock out these 300 plus page novels. At the end of the day, you write for you and no one else.

    If your blog weren’t me and I, we wouldn’t get to know you and that’s part of the point. We blog, along with many other reasons, to have an outlet and relate to other writers going through this same thing. If you think you’re rambling along too much about yourself…you haven’t read my blog in a while. Half the time I just moan and gripe, the other half I have useful things to say. It helps me at the end of the day.

    So hang in, we’re all still here regardless of what you talk about:) And be proud of your HUGE accomplishment! Here I am a year in and I’m still terrified about critiques.:)

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

      Gosh you shouldnt be terrified – although showing work to randoms rather than relatives is much easier!

      It’s funny, I have been thinking how it shouldn’t be ‘I’, and never realised your blog was. I enjoy your posts, so your right, it has a place.

      i think the idea of writing for yourself tends to get lost along the way. I shall refer to this post from time to time i think!

  3. Charlotte May 13, 2011 at 1:27 pm #

    Ellie,

    Blogs are meant to be on the personal side. It’s why they’re appealing. Reading about your adventures in producing and publishing a book has been really interesting, and it’s relevant to a lot of people. I don’t think there’s any need to apologise for that at all.

    About isolation… I know that feeling, though I’m lucky enough to have a writer parent who is always willing to show an interest and talk things through with me. Without him I’d probably feel a bit dejected too, as nobody else in my circle of friends, family and acquaintances can understand why I write so much or why it’s so important to me. But again, that’s why blogging proved to be great – it puts you in touch with people who know exactly what it’s about.

    I’m glad I found your blog a couple of months back. It’s still one of my favourites. I think you should keep doing what feels right for you.

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

      Thanks Charlotte. It’s good to know others feel the same. What surprises me is I knew most people wasnt really interested in the whole process side, but to not show an interest at the end is disheartening. Sometimes I feel as if they just smile and nod whilst keeping the truth (ie I am wasting my time) from me.

      A writer parent? Wow! it took me years to admit that this was what i wanted to do as no one else ever known in my family has chosen this route. You are very lucky.

  4. FIFALDE May 13, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    Hear, hear! (‘tho’ I’ve only ever written for my own amusement.)

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

      there is nothing wrong with writing for your own amusement, I think those that can do that are very lucky. I just feel I have to keep going to prove a point…tho i’m not sure who I am proving this to!

  5. Candice L Davis May 12, 2011 at 10:32 pm #

    Maybe your brain wants to be a bit me-me-me right now. I think that’s okay. I don’t mind seeing what challenges and celebrations other writers have in their lives. Often, they inspire me.

    I know what you mean about people who “don’t get it.” I started a collaborative project 2 years ago. We JUST got a book deal, and it won’t be published until fall of 2012. My friends and family (the non-writers, at least) think the whole process is just insane.

    Blog what you feel, girl!

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

      Hey well done you with the book deal! That is fab news! You know they may think it is insane now, but that time will come sooner than you know, and then they will all be telling others about how brilliantly you have done.

      I think you are right about my brain, to be honest, I think it would be happy even without me me me time and just switch off altogether. I have been on the most randomest journey for the last five years – I am sure it would make a great book – and i think now my whole being is just wanting to stop. We all need time out now and again!

  6. waziwig May 12, 2011 at 10:27 pm #

    I know what you mean about the lack of recognition concerning your achievements, we writers live in our own heads a lot, and what we worry about doesn’t seem to matter much to the world outside.

    What you don’t get, I’m afraid(for all your imagination) is that this journey you have taken us on has been inspirational, and, for me at least, a kick up the arse, to get my own dream chased and done.

    Maybe now you are suffering some kind of post publication babyblues. And only another published author can identify with that. There is nothing wrong about talking about yourself in a blog, (people vote with their feet, you know). This book took a long time, so now … Go do something completely different. 🙂

    Writing is meant to be fun. 😀

    • Ellie May 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm #

      Heeeeey! How are you? where have you been hiding? Me and Gav were talking about you earlier….

      I love the idea it is baby blues, that cracks me up! Maybe its cos I haven’t achieved 50,000 billion zillion sales in under 24 hrs and havent got publishers pounding on my doors that has done it! ha!

      So somethng different, hmmm, I shall have to think about that – no I won’t. I have already decided. I have four projects that I will complete, but I am taking four full weeks off of ‘real’ writing. Then it may be an eenie meanie moment lol!

      As for your dream…how is it coming along? You finished anymore?

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