What will you do if your Son ends up Gay?

17 Jul

In my daily life, the one that most people know me in , I am greeted on a daily basis of useless information and comments. Most of which, I find highly insulting.

You see, most of the people I find myself around, just aren’t like me at all. They come from a planet that I fear I may once have lived on, but never truly felt that I belonged. I have fought my way out of that life on a mental basis, but physically moving myself away – I doubt I will ever do that.

So how do you handle these people with such different views to your own? Display the British stiff upper lip and just keep quiet, react with a counter argument and basically criticise these people for their way of life (not so good because then you are just as bad as they are for trying to instill your own thoughts), discuss from a logical point of view (when people have lived their life a certain way for so long they don’t want to consider the other side), walk away and never see these people again (well if it is family there is no chance of that and mutual friends are just as hard).

Sometimes I have to wonder if my ideals are warped. So today, I want to run these past you. Have I lost the plot? Really, is this acceptable?

It’s OK to claim job seekers allowance – you need to earn your stamp.

This was followed by:

Stay at home and look after your kids, they are your life now.

Money isn’t everything – your happiness is.

OK, now the above comments quite obviously come from a person who has no concept of who I am. Put simply, I always thought I would be a stay at home Mum, but I can’t be.

a) I need to earn money (I want to buy my kids what they need, as well as be able to treat them. My son is desperate to go to Disney World, I know he would love it, so somehow, I will get him there).

As I upload this image I think of many negative comments I have heard made about this place - it is amazing. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be so popular.

b) I didn’t go to University to sit on my backside watching Loose Women whist drinking tea with other Mums whilst the kids play in the garden.

c) being at home with the kids all day drives me insane. My son now gets to thursday and begs to stay at home all day. He doesn’t want to go to the park, or visit his friends, he just wants to relax. The problem is, I have to be busy but my kids get too tired. When they were in nursery more often, they would ask to go more. We enjoy each others company, but we also know when enough is enough.

As for the comment about earning your stamp, I believe the key word there is EARN.

Other comments I have heard of late,

Look at [son], what will you do if he ends up gay?

Are you serious? Just for that comment alone if my son comes to me and says he is gay I will throw a party to make sure that everyone knows that there is no shame in it what so ever. (On a side note, my son plays with all the usual boys toys, but he also likes to push round a doll in a pram, just like his dad pushes his sister. My son likes to play ‘make-up’, just likes his Mummy. When at his friend’s house, he will play whatever game the girls are playing – the favourite this week has involved carrying handbags and pretending to chat on the phone. I take it as a compliment that my son re enacts the actions of his parents).

I have worked for six weeks now. The novelty has already worn off.

Spoken by one of the great long-term unemployed. So yes, lets pat them on the back for getting a job but hello, the novelty? You have three kids. Grow up and get some sense of responsibility.

I want to write more of these, but I don’t want to go in for overkill. For each of these I have smiled and nodded, except for the gay comment. To which I just said, ‘Well, could be fun to go shopping.’ You see, how to react in these situations is hard. Keeping everything ‘light’ allows the moment to pass that much quicker. But am I wrong, is it me just being high and mighty? Are these ‘views’ acceptable?

Just to add to this query of the way people act, I have been recently thrown into this pit of favouritism. Whether that be parents scowling at children other than their own because they have hurt ‘precious’, or within families where one child is more ‘special’ than others. I am not just talking of small children here, even grown siblings with children of their own are subject to this favouritism – is this normal? Is this right? Do you do it? This subject makes me cringe because I deplore it – I hear your excuses – it’s still not acceptable (oh and for you managers (let’s face it favouritism in the workplace is rife) etc that like employees that agree with everything you say and therefore get the promotion – you’re not very good at your job!)

So come on then, share your thoughts. Am I wrong? What comments make your blood boil? Or are you just happy-go-lucky and just think ‘each to their own.’

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6 Responses to “What will you do if your Son ends up Gay?”

  1. Alexis July 18, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    You’re not alone. Well, you might be alone in your world but there are other outcasts like you in other worlds. I might say I live in your world, too, but I can’t be sure. I do know for certain that neither of us live on the mainland, though. Which is awesome despite our annoyances with the mainlanders.

    I’ve often felt that the best solution is to move on from those who are so obviously detached from my reality. Actually, this can happen naturally if you voice your opinions and disagreements with these people. Most people won’t like your company much if you just stare at them with an astonished look on your face every time they speak. I know, I’ve done this. It works beautifully. But like you said, there is the problem of mutual friends, even coworkers and family members, that will be right there tomorrow regardless of how they insult you today.

    The best thing to do is teach your kids that these people with the ignorant comments should not rule the world— even if they do. That way, our future generations might shock us all and pursue skills in original thinking.

    • Ellie July 18, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

      Thank you so much. You made me laugh out loud where I am sat on my own – always figure what is weirder? laughing out loud on your own, or when in company for others to think you’re are cracking up.

      I like the idea of living just off the mainland, and am pleased to know there are other islanders. Likewise, I may just try the astonished look, if nothing else, it will make me giggle.

  2. Charlotte July 18, 2011 at 11:35 am #

    Sounds like a series of sore subjects. I could write a similar rant about people’s expectations for me. Some people I’ve known still think a woman’s primary goal is of course to find some nice (rich) man to settle down with so you don’t have to work anymore. It really irritates me when people transpose that expectation onto me. My partner’s just qualified as a doctor, which is wonderful as it’s his lifelong dream, but too many people treat me like I don’t have to do anything anymore because he’ll take care of everything.

    Me though, I hate the idea of just sitting back and doing nothing, letting someone else take responsibility for me. How is that a fulfilling lifestyle? I’m not going to hurl rocks at anyone who does live that way but I wish people would stop assuming that this is the best thing for me, too, and dismissing my work as mere hobbies. ‘You don’t need to worry/have a career/do anything, you’re marrying a doctor!’ Aggravating.

    I agree with you that some of us need more in our lives than taking care of the home/children. It’s sad that it’s still necessary to argue this point – that it has to be actively defended against attack. Then again, there’s the opposite attitude too – people can get equally opinionated about women who stay at home being lesser in some way than career women who don’t have kids, as if they’re betraying feminism by their mere existence. How about we all just stop trying to make everyone else adopt the same lifestyle we prefer ourselves, and get on with life? It’s all absurd.

    As for ‘what if he’s gay’… again, sad that this question is even asked. Is it expected that you’re not supposed to love him anymore if that happens? Or that ‘letting’ him play with unmanly toys will somehow change his personality? Do we really believe that children’s characters are formed by the toys they play with? Gender-dividing children through toys is another topic that really bothers me sometimes. The number of girlie toys I was drowned in as a kid is ridiculous – there were lots of “boys” toys that I would’ve loved too – but it’s all bound up together. If you expect your daughters to grow up to be perfect brides and mothers, and no more, then of course you encourage them to spend their childhood doing nothing but pushing prams around and playing with makeup. So bloody narrow. I applaud you for giving your son the freedom to choose his own activities.

    • Ellie July 18, 2011 at 12:09 pm #

      Thankyou for taking time to write such a considered response. Maybe this blog isnt the place to hold such a rant, but I felt these snippets were holding back my writing. I was unable to shift my thoughts into the place I wanted to be.

      On a plus note, there is one thing each of these attitudes give me, food for my characters. I can’t feed my characters and make them dimensional if I do not come across people in my day to day life that rile me/make me happy/ make me smile/make me cry/ make me admire. Maybe if my thoughts hadn’t have been so blocked, I would have seen this sooner.

  3. Candice L Davis July 18, 2011 at 1:34 am #

    Well, each to their own to some extent, but I do get to chose who I spend time with and who I discuss real life issues with. I’ve had negative responses to lots of my choices: getting married, getting divorced, working, staying-at-home, homeschooling the girls, eating a mostly raw/vegan diet, moving a continent away from the family, and on and on.

    Most of it just floats right by me. I no longer care enough about most folks’ opinions to argue my position. It’s pretty rare for me to find someone who actually wants to engage in a dialogue, even though we have a difference of opinion. When I do, I’m happy to discuss!

    • Ellie July 18, 2011 at 8:41 am #

      It is that dialogue that I would say I miss the most. The opinion I am coming caross are that alien, and that strong a lot of the time that no discussion can be had – mostly as I stand their watching their eyes roll at me. That is why I question if my ideas are warped?

      Choice of who to spend time with can be difficult subject, but I am intrigued as a Mum – if your children have a best friend who comes from a background with different ideals, and for your child to spend time with the friend you have to interact with the parents, do you just bite your tongue, or actively discourage your child to be friends? I think this is where I am struggling.

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