Fear. What is yours?

Fear.

Fear is the emotion that stops us in our tracks, prevents us from being what we truly want to be, stops us from being great.

I know many writers out there that have fear. They can’t share their work, and as a result it sits there, hidden away, never to be read by another.

I don’t have that fear. I have another one that I believe to be more crippling, and I wonder if any of you suffer the same?

I have never worried about sharing my work. In fact, the first time I wrote anything under the guise of ‘learning to be a writer’, I shared it within the children’s writing lecture that took place two days later. This was within my first two weeks at university.

I am the creature that writes and shares before it has undergone the first edits. I believe in my writing that strongly, that I know if something has ‘legs’ as the words are typed. If it is a struggle, it is wrong.

Of course editing is required, but I just want to share with everyone my latest piece of work. I am proud of what I do, and for that, I have no shame.

I explore genres, techniques, nothing is out-of-bounds. There is no limits to what I can do (and you for that matter). Writing is not just the setting down of a story, it is an experiment, a journey. One which cannot be taken without risks.

I identify my strengths, my weaknesses and I use them equally. Quietly pushing myself for the next challenge.

It is when thinking about that next challenge that I experience the fear. It’s like stepping off the cliff face. What if, just consider this for one moment, what if this time my self belief has blinded me. What if, my safety net, the one that slows my process when it is not simply great, does not catch me?

As I have said before, I do not plan. I do not sit there etching it all out, character bibles, plotting, synopsis, sub plots and the rest before beginning. Oh I think, I think a lot, generally starting with one idea and stretching it across, exploring within my mind the possibilities before I start. It is rare I make notes during this process. I have always believed if the idea has ‘legs’ the story will carry itself. Finalising details, checking the  story arc is there, ensuring character consistency is there all comes later. I believe many call this first part of what i do ‘passion’. I write because I feel it inside, a story bursting, a want, a release of emotions.

When I sit down to write, I already know if this is a script, short story, or hopefully the latest bestselling novel. When I try to fight this (see the disaster that was the uncompleted No Way Out Challenge) it grates, it physically hurts, and I feel myself hiding from the crowds. The only situation I can liken this to was taking my son to school when he begged not to go (I pulled him out eventually but that’s another story).

Fear is where I stand now. I have three ideas. all workable. two are scripts, one a novel. The daredevil in me is shouting try the novel. Not only have i never completed a full novel, the idea formulating is romance based, chick lit if you prefer. I have never written chick lit. The scripts are comedy based again, so they feel safe. I am still driven by my confidence in my previous one. Yet that could have just been fluke. Either way, what if I have lost my ability? What if I am the one hit wonder?

So tell me, what is your fear? What is the part of you that makes your writing career stutter?

***Without sounding conceited I am not a one hit wonder. I know this from professional feedback. Likewise I have not as yet been successful. I have not previously completed a novel as each one I have started has been abandoned due to other commitments at that time. The fear I speak of prevents me returning as it is the same psychological thought process***

I’m Not Being Lazy..

I get paranoid that I am not posting enough about No Way Out. I don’t want you to lose your enthusiasm for watching the project unfold, but likewise, I don’t want it to be all I post about. I also don’t want to have pressure to complete it.

I have pondered this thought for the past week, how do I approach this? Have I made a huge mistake? Is this why nobody has attempted this before? (Well maybe they have but I haven’t seen it).

The most basic of answers came to me. I started doing this to show how a project runs from start to finish. The only way I can show this is my way. And sometimes, my way, does involve long delays so how I blog will show this.

It’s not that I haven’t been working on it, it’s just that most of my working has happened in my head. working out, based on comments so far, how I will develop the story.

You see I sit down and post based on what I have thought should happen, and then you guys give me ideas that enhance this, and then I need my thinking time.

I am not the type to spend hours writing out streams of storylines. I keep it in my head. I tend to work on the basis that the best ideas develop further, without the need to record them. The best example is my script the lawns. That started as a dream (so cliché I know). I remember it well, July 2008.

That dream was developed into ten pages of script to be included in my first year creative writing portfolio. In January 2010, the script was fully completed in the form of a 90 minute one-off drama.

During that period I was obviously studying so was also adding other projects to my portfolios, as well as writing essays. I did not dedicate my all to that script, and I will not to No Way Out.

Thinking about how the Lawns developed provides some calm to my manic thoughts. It tells me that I am capable of managing various projects, deadlines, and most importantly thought processes.

I have attempted to write synopsis’ (I don’t know the plural for this, well I do,  just don’t know how you write it and I will admit to feeling particularly lazy right now and not having the inclination to google it). Following your lead, I wanted to complete several from different view points, gain a greater understanding of the characters, and thier motives. I know Steve’s, I haven;t written a synopsis for his viewpoint as I see the original short story as a sufficient starting place. therefore I have concentrated my efforts on Poppy. Well, to say it is hard is a understatement.

I don’t write chick lit. Sorry, correction. I have never written chick lit. This is proving to be a stumbling point, mostly because I have this thought gnawing at me that I am entering new territory and maybe I am not ready for that at this time. Or maybe, the truth is, that is not what I wanted this piece to be. But no matter what I do, the emotions, the understanding, the identity of the piece written with poppy as the focus just screams chick lit. The result? I just don’t know how to

So this was the Chick Lit display in Lacey Timberland Library in 2011. Perhaps it is not Chcik Lit that i am afraid of - just its perception.

end it.

My gut reaction is to end it with the police on the doorstop telling Poppy that Steve is dead. It just doesn’t feel final enough. I wanted closure for Steve, for the reader/viewer to know steve was not bad, to understand it was circumstance not madness that led him into that bank.

I will continue to play with this in my head and I shall get back to you. In the meantime, I just want you to know I haven’t abandoned, I am just plotting in my style.

Key Questions to Plot Development

No Way Out – the Challenge is taking a short story and developing it into a one-off drama for TV (however as the project develops this may change). Having posted the short story here, questions have been raised as to the direction the story will take. Today I answer those questions, whilst raising more of my own. Please feel free to jump into the discussion and get involved in this challenge.

Skyler asked:

1.Becky’s backstory. Why is such a young, sweet girl working in a place that is so ‘businessy’? 2.Who is the man that Poppy is having an affair with. How did they meet and what led her to do such an awful thing?

Firstly, who said Becky is a sweet girl. Looks are deceiving you know. Perhaps Steve was up. We don’t know why he has such a personality change, how many people seriously go through from a normal hard-working dad to a bank robber?

Poppys’ affair, this is something that needs to be answered, but I have no idea. I am thinking maybe Steves’ brother. Steve has been sunk to the darkest place, so would the guy that poppy has an affair with bear an impact, or does it not matter, the result is just the same?

Gethin asked:

What country is it in?  The bank scene suggests America i.e. guns etc, but the CSA from the last scene suggests UK. The reverse plot is a bit weird, am I to understand that it may well go anywhere?

It is set in the UK. Reading back through I have pondered if it is a bit Americanised but I don’t think so, pretty certain if there was an armed bank robbery here they would send in the tactical units which would have guns.

The reverse plot was initially used to make the short more interesting. I felt if the story was told in a linear fashion it would be quite dull, namely because we wouldn’t care his wife cheated on him, because we didn’t care about him. The backwards timeline gives that sense og oh my, how what is now a common occurrence can drive someone so low. So yes, it could go anywhere, the question is, do we just expand on whats there, of find another story within it?

Jessica asked:

So, where do you think you’re going to focus on the timeline?  On the back-story of what led to Steve’s criminal activity or on the present (now that he’s been apparently shot)?

Ha, I just said that in response to Gethin, work with what we have or search for an alternative? I am still thinking this one out so your suggestions are welcome….

2.  You already gave the little boy quite the reader appeal, so are you going to continue to work him in as a character?

Michael will feature, but I am reluctant to place too much focus on him. I guess it depends what we decide the definitive timeline will be. I would like Michael to be the calming influence, the rational. However, he could well be the flip side of that, the part that makes you slightly manic in your desperation.

3.  In the back-story, you made Steve seem like a very sympathetic character.  Yet, we see through his thoughts with Becky that he has two emotional extremes:  desire for companionship and severe hate/vengeance.  Will we get to see how his psyche has undergone such a change from a caring, loving father to whiskey-drinking, vengeful criminal?

To answer this, I know I must remain grounded in my thoughts. His psyche has changed because of the ‘fall’ his life has taken. The question is, how hard has he fallen? Now I say I must stay grounded because it would be easy to get carried away and say we should introduce drugs etc to enhance his despair. I am thinking simpler than that, we could just say he took out a bad loan to keep buying michael the stuff steve feels he deserve, and maintaining a pretence. Bad loans in the Uk are big news at the moment so not actually at all far-fetched. Steve potentially could have robbed that bank because they were going to destroy him if he didn’t pay back the money.  Can we say that the desperation has led to the  vengeful bitterness whilst constant looking at what others have, what he once had, that makes him who he is today? Is that strong enough?

Trying to put my thoughts into some sort of order I have created the mind map below.

Not the greatest picture, sorry. Hopefully though you can see the process I am following.